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switchfoot has a song called 'happy is a yuppy word' - i agree. i think it is a false goal. the bible never talks about us being happy - (unless it is mistranslated...) it speaks of us having joy. happy is temporary, joy is overarching our circumstances.

Phil Hoover-Chicago

God's main concern is our "holiness"--not our happiness.

But then again, there are two sides to every issue, and we must be careful when we start our "pre-judging" of others. I know that I have been guilty of this myself.

Why do people "skip church" or change churches? I have two theories:

1) When people feel they are not being cared for, and their gifts aren't good enough...

2) When people are made to feel they DON'T matter anymore, then many will either sit and suffer in silence--or they will find a new church home.


Bobbie - Good to hear from you! I agree, we need to have more Joy and less seeking our own emotional satisfaction.

Phil –The excuse of “I’m not being fed.” Is one of my pet peeves that gets me all in a twist. Good point on pre-judging. If people shared why they were really changing churches or “shopping around” we may be able to improve how the Church treats people.

Peace ~ Darren

Phil Hoover-Chicago


I have a couple of thoughts about your response:

The "I'm not being fed" is often a very thinly disguised veneer for deeper issues. Almost always.

While we want the "truth" about why people are either leaving or shopping around (when it comes to the church) many people in ministry leadership give them impression that "they can't handle the truth." I know this from first-hand experience. I was betrayed by someone who was my pastor for three years--and when I told him the truth, he exploded. He has seen me four times since then--two services, a wedding and a funeral. You know what? He was standing four inches from me one day, and never even acknowledged that I was there. Never spoke...nothing.

And now I know that I made the right decision to leave that church that I loved so much.


Phil - I'm sorry to hear about your experience with your pastor. I always try to welcome the "truth" as the wounds of a friend are faithful. I have had to apologize for a bad initial response before. (I was feeling down and let my own insecurity get in the way.) Yet I would take their comments to heart and try to make things right in our relationship and learn from the experience. I just don't get pastors who treat people as you mentioned.

I have also left a church because of pastoral mistreatment & neglect. Maybe I should lighten up on my pet peeve a bit and try to see more than one point of view. Thanks!

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