i do not have a prayer life

Several years ago i finished a class on Jesus and Prayer with Eugene Peterson. It was a good course. This class changed my life and how i view prayer. i learned, that prayer is more than just a speech event. Until I took this class i had always viewed prayer as conversation with God and that was it. This emphasis brought me down a wrong and spurious path, as through time prayer became an activity to do.

As an activity, i have found prayer to be a questionable endeavor. To my ears, it seemed like i was always trying to bend God to my will. i'd ask for forgiveness only to fail once more and wind up asking for forgiveness. Words began to seem hollow and prayer as conversation became an increasingly meaningless activity in my life. i knew that my understanding of prayer was incomplete and i truly desired to learn what it is to pray. That is why i began to study Jesus and his prayer in the first place. To gain a greater understanding of the nature of prayer.

Prayer as an activity can be best described in the question i had asked my friends for many years, "How is your prayer life these days?" On the surface it seems like genuine concern for their soul and relationship with the Lord. Which is of course my motive. But the Language itself implies a duality of life that is contrary to what i now understand prayer to be.

To talk of a prayer life is no different than asking about someone's personal life, business life, social life and on it goes. It implies a compartmentalization of activity and a multiplicity of "modes" of action. This is how we tend to live in our modern age, no integration of person. This is further from the reality of prayer than one can get. Rather than have a prayer life, one should have a life of prayer.

A life of prayer is a unified look at the personality in relationship with God. As Eugene states, "Prayer is a life that cultivates interiority with God." This notion is very close to the Ideal of the early monastic orders. A life in continual relationship with God at every moment as John Cassian referred to it in Conference one. To put it another way, it is the continual practice of the presence of God in the terms of Brother Lawrence.

i have a very strong ascetic streak in me. Given that i had previously thought of prayer as a "spiritual activity," i would go on a spiritual retreat once a year and spend 10 days alone in the mountains seeking God in a deeper way. While in the bush, i'd push myself to physical exhaustion to bring my body in line and then i'd engage in fasting, prayer and reading of the scriptures. i found these times to be very enriching as i was free of the encumbrances of the modern world and completely focused on God. Though it would take me several days in the bush to completely refocus.

i would loathe the thought of my time ending and re-entering the distraction of daily life. My food would run out and the responsibilities of my life would pull me away from this blessed state of existence. Upon returning to my daily life, it seemed to lack any sense of the spirit of God. Within a few months i'd be back in my normal routine and my wilderness experience would become just a memory. This only served to strengthen my desire to return to the wild mountains the next year.

For me, my spiritual retreats are an intensely personal time of repentance and prayer of which i seldom speak of with others. In the several years following this class i have sought to cultivate a life of prayer. It is this attitude that has drawn me into the path of the Christian Mystic.

i no longer have a prayer life. The entirety of my life is lived as a prayer to God. Prayer has ceases to be an activity i do as it is part of the fabric of my life. It manifests itself in various forms and modes in my daily routine. While i do practice verbal prayer, it no longer remains an activity i do as it simply flows out of the life i live. Life is a continual series of Thin Spaces that i pass through as i work, play, eat, rest, and live life.

i wish i could say that every moment of my life is a prayer, but i do sin at times. These are the times when my prayer ceases and i live a divided life. Jesus was free from sin and therefore lived a life completely before God. It is this holistic life lived with God that is my Quest and my largest failing as i loose the presence of God when i sin.

Prayer is life and not just a one-way speech in the morning, it is a cultivation of our innermost life with God moment by moment.

Comments

[BruceD]

Wonderfully stated, my friend. I agree completely. Isn't it marvelous to become free of dull, artificial ritual, and experience the reality of LIFE with God?

[Michael]

Well said. I agree with you wholeheartedly. To be known by God and to know him is the passion that drives me. While we can (and should) forsake our works based western Christian mythology for a meaningful holistic Christ-centered life, we must seek to put down roots into the rich soil of God for it is there we find strength and stability to sustain the wind; we find nutrients that cause us to grow and give health; we find living water to quench our weary dryness; and roots are always seeking for more. I confess my Christian mythology drives me to works-based, compartmentalized, and mental assent to doctrine based religion; but true holistic Christ-centered living involves works, doctrine, and continual experience of God. We must find the balance and embrace the truth beyond their over emphasis and become true holistic followers of Christ.

[Trish]

Thank you for verbalizing what has been my feeling for a long time! We are in daily prayer with the Lord every second of our life. I used to wonder, when I laid down to sleep at night and fell asleep while praying if God got my prayer because I never had a chance to say "Amen" at the end. Silly me. Thats what turned my thought process to understanding that we *are* in prayer with Him, constantly.

[Dan Edelen]

At the risk of alienating Darren, who has me listed as a regular read in his blogroll, I have to disagree.

In the Emerging church movement, there is a great move to prayer solely as a continuous practicing of the presence of God. I believe this to be an enormous mistake.

The reason? It is not an either/or proposition here. Practicing the presence of the Lord AND focused, intentional times of dedicated prayer are BOTH essential. Substituting one for another is a diminishment of our communion with the Lord.

As always, our example is the Lord Jesus. He was certainly always communing with His Father, but he also withdrew to spend focused prayer time in the Father's presence.

I am reminded, too, of A.W. Tozer, whose practice it was to begin each day in focused prayer prostrate before the Lord from 7 AM till Noon each day. I do not doubt that Tozer also stayed in God's presence the rest of the day, but hw still maintained an intentional prayer time.

So many people have told me that they have switched from intentional times of prayer to solely practicing the presence of God. While they all agree they feel unburdened by doing so, a quick check shows that they do not truly see breakthroughs in their prayer lives anymore. That's very sad. What is sadder still is they those same folks will acknowledge that their effectiveness in prayer has suffered, but they are unwilling to add the intentional prayer times back into the mix.

Just a warning. I know many people who have gone down this path and found it wanting in the end.

Peace.

[Darren]

Don't worry about alienating me Dan. Your warning is well taken that is why I said, “While i do practice verbal prayer.”

I agree that they are both essential as I have been down the “life of prayer” path in an out-of balance form as your comments indicated. That is why I incorporate verbal prayer times into the disciplines of my spiritual life as a Christian.

But my verbal prayer times are not an activity / artificial ritual / duty / works based event. It remains an outflow of my life of prayer and a cultivation of an interior seeking after the continuous presence of God.

Prayer as a verbal activity is so misused that I wanted to focus on the motive for Prayer as Life vs. Prayer as Christian Activity.

As an activity, prayer is compartmentalized and I’m on about a holistic faith and life of prayer. If I gave the impression that I completely rejected times of verbal prayer then i need to craft my posts better.

Beyond that, if you feel we still disagree then i'm ok with that. Please feel free to comment in the future as i find dissenting comments helpful when presented as you have done.

Thanks!

[Wes]

I am new to your blog. I like what I see.

I entered the comment for this article under "Sunday Thoughts". Here it is again.

"As a purveyor of AMNESTY, I find that my life of prayer is lived and expressed in both spontainious compassion and deliberate intercession."

Glad that Bruce pointed me in your direction !

Among other things, I too have been called a mystic.

Wes