Church Culture Part III: The Suburban Mindset

i arrived early for a job interview this morning and decided to go to a coffee shop and blog for a while. As i reflected on things i became aware of yet another mindset that affects many of our church cultures. The suburban frenzy.

The pace of life in suburbia is frenetic as we rush too and fro while trying to live around the congested infrastructures that are ill equipped to handle the volume. A trip to Starbucks in the early morning is filled with sleepy eyed businesswomen and men. They stand in rank like weary soldiers preparing themselves for a long march. Then after getting their triple Grande Caramel Macchiato fix they set out on yet another busy day. It is 6:15 am and with the traffic they won't be home until 6:30 that night. Home: the refuge from the pressures of the day.

The suburban home itself shapes this mentality and is itself shaped by it. It has small public spaces like a front yard and porch. The backyards are larger and fenced in for privacy. The family room is large while the more formal spaces for entreating have virtually disappeared. The home is for the family to escape to. To hide from the pressures of the many social worlds they inhabit daily.

Metaphorically the home acts as a monastery and refuge from the outside world. It represents the principles of peace, safety and relaxation. Ironically, the suburban home does not live up to its ideals. We have family pressures, lawns to cut, to-do lists, dinner to prepare, children to care for and interruptions from telemarketers. There is no lasting peace not even at home.

As a result we feel isolated, pressured and alone. We have few friends but many acquaintances. Our retreat into the home has left us mourning the loss of any true community. We seek what solace we can from our distractions. We do things together but rarely open ourselves up to life transforming relationships. Keeping a full social calendar of mindless activity we deceive ourselves and only feed our isolation.

In the evenings we sit in front of the television and vegetate before starting the cycle all over again in the morning. Most of us are unaware that the suburban malaise has overtaken us. Ours is a shallow peace that leaves us wanting more. In our hearts we dream of an idealized community of depth and safety that seems always beyond our reach.

As a result we distract ourselves with even more activities that give us the illusion of community. The church only fuels this distraction by providing activities for everyone. We can spend most of our week absorbed in church activities if we are "involved" with a local congregation. Yet our relationships remain for the most part superficial and lack any real depth. Those who desire more depth often resort to cell groups but in many cases, there is little true community here either.

The suburban mindset has invaded our churches. Our desire for peace, rest, and refuge become the subtle subtext behind what we do. We wish to maintain the illusion of community at all costs. We forget that the reality of community is often messy and larger than our suburban "wish dream" (Dietrich Bonehoffer's term) of and idealized Christian community.

True community cannot exist in such a context. Like a family, it requires the honest interaction between people. It allows for conflict and confrontation within the bounds of Christian love. The suburban quest for community becomes a subtle idolatry. (This holds true for the emerging expression of church as well.) We have forgotten that true peace and rest is in Jesus alone as we look for it in our relationships with one another. Our idea of a deep Christian community becomes a trap. This corporate illusion of what christian community is must die if we are to develop into the community God intends us to be.

Bonhoeffer speaks of that death when he says,

"...[a] fellowship which faces such disillusionment, with all its unhappy and ugly aspects, begins to be what is should be in God's sight, begins to grasp in faith the promise that is given to it. The sooner this shock of disillusionment comes to an individual and to a community the better for both. A community, which cannot bear and cannot survive such a crisis, which insist upon keeping the illusion when it should be shattered, permanently loses in that moment the promise of Christian community. Sooner of later it will collapse. Every human wish dream that is injected into the Christian community is a hindrance to genuine community."

Just as bloodlines are the connecting tie in a family, the bloodline of Christ is the glue of Christian community. i do not have the answer to the dilemma of the suburban mindset. i'd be lecturing throughout the country and getting rich if i did. i do know this: God has bound us together in Jesus and as His family we must live a common life with each other. Disillusionment with the body of christ helps us to transcend our notions of community as we begin to live in the reality of a shared life and biblical community.

(Note: when writing about church culture i am referring to any gathering of believers. These trends are simply more visible in the Institutionalized varieties of church.)

Comments

[Matt]

Some good thoughts here, Darren. I have read those words of Bonhoeffer before, and those thoughts are part of what helped a group of folks I'm friends with realize that we were in as much danger of creating a man-made thing as the institutional church was. I think perhaps your conclusion--depending on Christ as the only possible foundation and glue for community--is also the only answer to the suburban wackiness.

[DLE]

Darren,

Randy Frazee's books, "The Connecting Church" and "Making Room for Life," address many of the issues you raise. Both are excellent despite a telling flaw.

My wife and I are struggling with our concepts of how to restore community. We stumbled on the Frazee books long after we formed our ideas, so they were great reinforcement.

However, Frazee and other folks calling for a rethink of community have missed the boat on how much our employment impacts community. Everyone idealizes Mayberry, but all the Mayberry-like towns across America are dying for want of jobs. If the jobs go elsewhere, community goes kaput. Nor are the suburbs and cities immune to this; the last economic downturn should have taught this lesson well. Community is only as strong as its job base.

The Church in America has virtually no presence in modern business. We abandoned our input into the work world in the 1960s and are largely reaping the results: ethical failures, rampant consumerism, demeaning hiring and firing practices, and the like. Until we start interacting with the business world again, community will always be something out of reach for most Americans.

[Darren D.]

DLE ~ Thanks for your thoughts. The pastor i’m helping is really into Frasee’s book the connecting church. i’ll have to give it a read. We do need to reengage the business world. i lived in a small community and had to move because there were no jobs. i totally get your point about jobs. The area we moved to is about 40 miles south of Seattle. Starter homes are $100,000 dollars cheaper than their exact counterparts 25 miles north. We commute from our little suburbia to where the jobs are in Seattle.